11:50pm December 31, 2010
A friend's New Years Eve House Party
By this point in the evening, the party had become an intimate gathering of about twelve long time friends. With the television on opposite us in the living room we all were standing around the kitchen island. The countdown to west coast New Years was ten minutes away. The host of the party had a spontaneous idea, inspired by her own accomplishments made in the past year in her life, lets all go around the room and tell the group our favorite moment of the year 2010. My mind jumped from memory to memory, and every great moment I thought of included him. It was only six weeks prior that our relationship had ended, and most of my close friends in the room still did not even know all the details of what happened. Every single great moment I had that past year, I shared with him and therefore felt they were tainted, like they were all a lie. One by one around me, my friends were producing solid accomplishments and milestones worthy of the best moment of the past year. The thought then entered my mind that I would make something up, but quickly dismissed that realizing that was even more pathetic than not having a moment at all. I tried then to distract them, by going in front of the TV, pretending to be very interested in the countdown hosted by Anderson Cooper. My friends were persistent though....what was my best moment of the past year? I burst into tears and responded that I did not have one. It was an ugly, uncontrollable cry and I had hit one of the saddest and lowest times of my life. I was so disappointed in myself for ever getting to this place, I felt no pride in the decisions I had made. I spent the past two years of my life putting my best efforts into a relationship and a person that I truly believed in, only in the end to be given their worst. **************************************************************************
The question I have been asked most by people around me is "Why Africa?" I think the more interesting question is "Why Now?" I have wanted to go to Africa ever since I was a young teenager. I have always had that feeling, even though I have never been there, that I belong there. It was almost a decade ago that I read that magazine article about Zanzibar that peaked my interest in a land that seemed so beautiful and so exotic. Climbing Mt.Kilimanjaro was the unspoken dream inside me, that I thought was for people more prestigious and more athletic than I. When the winter of 2010 came around, it had honestly been years since I had even thought about traveling Africa. Then as my relationship dissolved, it was all I could think about. I made so many decisions based upon what I thought another person wanted, I lost sight of what I wanted for myself. More than anything I wanted to do something I could be proud of. This trip to Africa is only 19 days long, and I hope that I will be able to call some of those days the best times of my life. However, the process of just getting to this trip has given me already so many moments that I am proud of. I am grateful and humble to the amount of support I have gotten from everyone around me. It is unexpected and amazing when a catalyst hits your life and changes everything, and I am finally at a point (days away from leaving) where I can be grateful for the experience that got me to this moment.
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